The Air I Breathe

He spit the words from his lips
The magnetic gate from which my breath comes
Unaware that the release of such venom
Put a slight rip in my left atrium
Leaving me wounded;

“Bitch, I hate the air you breathe”
Were the words that he said to me
Because he, like so many others
Did not understand the impact of my reality.

The very center of his universe, the tender fingers realeasing tension
In his shoulders
From him holding
His position as Atlas.

The world on his shoulders,
Got him slumped over
At times feeling like it’s over
The effects that the hatred of him by society causes

Feeling like, he ain’t meant to survive cuz it’s a set up,
But he’s got to keep his head up
So as his woman I place two fingers
Right below his chin,
To remind him to…
Keep
Striving.

That all in life is vanity
Conspiracy
To prevent us from evolving spiritually
Keeping us trapped
In this rat maze.

I tell him, that “Greater is He who is in thee that he who is in the world”
And even thought you were misinformed
You’ve got to remember
Who
You
Are.

See I took all that was me and gave birth
To him.
Nurtured
The God inside
Yet he hung me on a cross.
Did Caesar like Brutus
Judas
With kisses he betrayed me
Killed me
When that venom sprang from his lips.

I had planted his soil with my seed
Yet he depleted me with four constonants and a vowel.

So no, he didn’t understand
Why I went ham
Thought I was Tyson
But I swung
When I really wanted to bite him.

The tear in my left atrium running deeper
Causing me to fall deepr and deeper
I couldn’t see
Deeper into insanity.

And at this point,
That’a all I remember
And I hope you see that I am not guilty
My actions the result of the injury
I suffered when he spat

“Bitch, I hate the air you breathe”

Because the air I breathed was he, yet he didn’t understand.

© August 2010 Enigma

Chasing Ghosts

Today, I was driving down that long, sometimes short strip of highway that takes you from the part of town leading to liberty, to that side of town that goes to Georgia.
And shortly after passing the hotdog store, you know, the one that always has people dressed up in that hot, sweat inducing corny looking hot dog suit, dancing
and waving
at you
as if their antics are actually enough to make you take that right turn up into the parking lot,
get out of your air conditioned car
to eat their corny looking lil hotdogs filled with poison.
Nah, me, I always just toot my horn, and keep right on moving.

So, shortly after passing the hotdog store, I see this person; Black,
about 5’7”
white, purple stripped jersey
and some white shorts.
Short shorts
revealing 3 quarters length of the legs.

And the walk, was a mixture of, “ssssh, I know I’m cute
and a walk similar to that of a person suffering from paranoia.
The hair style was short
looked like the curl Faye put in her head.
trying to escape the programming of the perm
incapable of seeing that they were all the same
killing the naturally connecting coils…
You know; naps,
that what you like to call them.

Short, curl styled hair…
and finally I made it to his eyes, 17 years older than his physique portrayed.
Black
like the soles of the shows on my feet,
were the bottom of his eye lids.
Looked like the eyes of a man
who just took that one chance
that lead to more roads of the ghost he was trying to grab hold of.
His mind so blown that
he walks with a switch better than mine,
with just a hint of stank,
to let you know that even thought he may be mistaken for a ooooooo
he will jack
up
ya grill
with the incomprehensible strength of the hulk.
Mind
so
blown,
running.
Chasing ghosts.

Made me think of which ghosts I’m chasing
instead of trying to pity
him.
Looked at me, driving down the street
pretending I have it all together.
When the truth is at times, I don’t know
whether I want to stay
or to leave.
Have Scottie beam me up
because this world
does not belong to me.

Feeling as if I keep waking up, only to have the same dream…
9-5
9-5
9-5
and the hours in between, not much work done so it seems that I am roaming around aimlessly…
like, the guy on bypass 28
running from legions
chasing his ghosts in the streets
chasing my ghosts, continuing to live life asleep
running
from legions…
Chasing…. ghosts.

© 2010 Enigma

Fire

“An essential component of fire is oxygen”
and every word spoken from this poet’s lips is…
oxygen in motion, energy
comprised of verbal infernos
scorching synapses sending signals signifying self to
awaken.
Out of the dream and into the reality that everything ain’t what it seems;
awaken
and walk in line with the highest beings.

“A persistent chemical reaction”
like that of the vibrations proceeding from my center
conceiving insight into paths leading out this prism.
Knowing that their story is our story
that your story is my story
that we are not alone, traveling
on this journey.


“That release heat and light”
emanating
from inner being
overstanding what the Kemetics conveyed with the sphinx.
that your lower man submit
to the reign the highest being
Knowing that you were told
One, cannot serve TWO gods
like that of your higher, to your lower being.
So allow your spiritual man to rise
train
that animal to cease.
And I’m Laying foundations so that my life is the epitome
my lower man serving the highest being
so
in
tune
from the root to the crown;
One.

Healing myself, my people, the earth
so that his will be done
like it is in heaven
right here on earth
giving
birth
the image of the creator in me.
Creating
“Persistent chemical reactions that release heat and light”
in the form of consonants and vowels
syllables, structure, syntax.

Touching you through showing me
igniting
inviting
you
to see
the light.
Eradicate all falsifying
emancipate truth
starting with self then reaching out to you.

Ablazing minds

Now is the time

now
is the time
to….
WAKE UP.

By inhaling the essential components of my being
poetry.
Feel the warmth
climbing then
spiraling
down
down
down
into the center of your solar system
birth
of a star

Fire.

The reflections of my words stimulating your mental, spiritual, metaphysical
I
sense you scorching
the aftermath of this verbal inferno
causing you to have reactions
feet tapping
leg shaking
persistent, persistent,
“persistent chemical reactions”
I know you’re trying come on baby don’t fake it….
“that release heat and light”
unleash
subdue
smolder…


Like the words from my mouth
the meditations of my heart:
Fuel
Igniting
Rumination
Eternally.
I told ya,
I
spit
fire.

(c) 2010 Enigma

Tears

I am angry
because I thought I cried my last tear,
yesterday.
But the sun is cradled in the arms of the sky and with this occurrence a new batch of tears has manifest.

I’m not angry because of their reappearance.
I’m angry because with this new expedition I believed that I would finally reach my point,
The point of not return,
The end.

The end of the games
The lying
The playing.
The end of non love being dressed up to look like love because the giver was unaware that outside appearances can indeed look the same.
Failing to realize that it’s the light that shines from within that you must discern.

I believed I had reached the point,
The point of no return.
The point where blows weren’t returned in place of love.
Deceit in place of truth.
Stagnation in place of growth.
Because being at the receiving end, I could no longer take any more...
Blows to this heart of mine
No more deceit transferred as truth within my mind.
No more promises of “baby I’ll do better” only to sit and wait and wait and sit
And at 7 seconds to the final hour realize that better was really a euphemism for
Technically never.

Through those season I cried so many tears.
Tears from the corner of my eyes,
Some falling from the inside and outside
Or filled to the rim and over flowing
Even though I tried my damnedest to keep them in.

I cried hurt tears
Scared, sometimes terrified tears,
I can’t do this shit no mo’ tears.
I’ll kill this nigga tears
Oh so this mofo must think I’m stupid tears
But he really bout to see my crazy, tears.

I cried confused, unhappy, unwanted, unappreciated, uncelebrated...
Tears.
Cried so many tears for 28 seasons.

So when the seasons changed, I thought I would no longer need the tears
After all, for everything there is a season.
And I had passed through so many deaths, that I believed this was finally my season of life.
And it was, it is, but even in life, you cry...
Tears.

Tears of happiness, renewal, growth.
Tears because what I had been through I don’t have to go through anymore.
Tears because where I am, is no longer where I was and where I’m going...
I control.

But, regardless of the season and who is or isn’t on the expedition with me
I can count on my tears because they continuously cleanse
Allowing me to release.


(c) Enigma May 28, 2010

Rebirth

I feel… revived, in tune, inspired.
Filled above the rim with inspiration
and thoughts
about how I have spent the inhales and exhales of my time.
Allowing them to waste away with the tripping
realizing I had fallen into death.
Not living
because to live
is to give…
life.

By putting ink to lines
the reason my heart pumps
energy through my veins
every second minute hour
of the day
of my time.

Instead of giving I have sat
still and stagnant slowly sinking in the slums of
unworthiness
unable to see the truth.
Slowly taking my life.

In that small room down the hall, first door on the left…
assuming the poison was the cure
yet each intake euthanizes
preventing myself of the ability to see what my Self is capable of
creating.

See people have suffered because of sitting and intakes
left to think that their experience is there’s alone
superior to their very essence.
Because I have failed to fulfill the obligation of my own essence.
Putting ink to lines, life to death, joy to weeping.
I was wrapped up in flesh.

But I am here, I died
had to resurrect.
At 11:32 on the first day.
Born again to be the people’s poet.
Speaking your truth by writing my own
and you know it.
Now, so do I, and never
will I abandon you,
again.

This hand will incessantly put ink to lines
paper to pen
reverse it back
pen to paper
to help raise you out of this death
giving new life.
I dedicate mine...
to you.


(c) 2010 Enigma

First Day of Summer

Today is the first day of summer
2010.
And for the first time I realized on this day
is THE day
I lose my mind.


See this time last year I noticed the change;
tears one minute at Wendy’s because they forgot my fries.
Ready to fight the next minute because this woman pulled out in front of me at the light.
Hormones raced from 100 to 325
and I just could not figure out why…


See last year if I was getting any action I could have sworn something was baking in my oven
but I can’t be adding more immaculate conception stories to the list,
so I knew that was not the case.

But what was I saying...
oh yeah,
today is the first day of summer.
And I’m stuck between here and there
Stuck between trying to be who I was and trying to birth who I really am,
and it just all has me feeling crazy;
like I’m 4 coo coo’s over the nest.


I think it’s something about that element that saturates my being...
now that I know
instead of believing...
in fairytales.

Hell I don’t even know why I’m writing this poem
if you can call it that.
I'm just trying to get my thoughts out
because it’s the first day of summer
and I STILL don’t seem to know where I’m going.

I mean the scales tipped and I ended a relationship
still don’t know why I did that
because it was "the best I ever had"
but...
life happens.
It’s like I know………………………....but I don’t
“a man that knows something knows he knows nothing at all”
and all I know is that a change is coming.
Yet, I know nothing.

See what I’m talking bout?
Just like that,
in one day,
my mind gone.

So long.........................
maybe I didn’t need it anyway.

So yeah ended a relationship,
distancing myself from friends.
Trying to keep from crying,
really wanting to bash some heads in.
Trying to go straight...
keep veering to the right
making sharp turns to the left;
I just don’t feel right.

Got friends calling me
because they think I can help them.
What they really fail to know is that they are the helper;
helping me balance between sane and insanity.
God, Thank you
man I LOVE those chicks.

Want more for my mama,
like a house on the hill
She’s worked hard her whole life
that’s the least I can do.

Father’s day was yesterday
started out that day in tears.
Had to cleanse my soul of a donor who didn’t know that his absence left his little girl un-whole,
but now I’m a grown woman;
no time for daddy issues...
yet daddy issues lead to man issues...
See what I mean?
C S.
I E
R L
C
That’s how I’m running
and no one will save me,
because I have no savior
just me.
"ONE is the magic number"
to the life that I see.

Coming up with thoughts in my head
trying to save the world
break down the prison industrial system
talking bout rehabilitation
they just trying to kill a “nigga”
physically or spiritually
which ever way they can get it.

Can’t listen to the radio
the government on that too
Got lil Wayne singing bout brains in the street
raps our children sing
yet we wonder why the street screams
from the blood that it is stained with;
our seeds
our kings
our queens.
Yet we continue to facilitate the growth of the problem.
Do you see what I mean?

White folks done lost they mind
draggin my brothers and sisters down the street
I want to start a revolution
but everyone else seems to be asleep.
Or caught up in drama
that they perpetuate for themselves
wishing all haters to hell
how bout you just jump in that well.
Because don’t nobody care, bout what the hell you got going on
you don’t even care yourself else you’d leave that shit alone.
Can’t turn on the tv
none of those people look like me.
And the ones who do
turn the Goddess image into a whore’s reflection
trying to find the connection
to love thru sex
or fame through shaking what ya mama gave you all in the name of the game.

I guess this is why my mind is blown
we getting pimped on every corner
from the radio to the tv
to those lil building with plus signs on top.
And ppl wonder why I’m psycho
I’m effected by all this ish.
Not to mentions I see visions of people I have never met
See lives that I don’t recall living
See daughters that I have yet to birth.
Some may call it a gift
but in this state it is a curse.

Had to turn my black berry on silent
before I turn into a twitter freak.
Already been to facebook rehab 4 times
maaaaan
and that was all in one week.

See if anybody truly knows me,
I wish you would come
because it’s the first day of summer
and my mind...
hell
I obviously
don’t got none.

(c) June 21, 2010 Enigma

Forgive Me for I have Sinned

orgive Me For I Have Sinned.
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Today at 11:40am | Edit Note | Delete
This is a rough draft but I just felt compelled to share today. I've been working on it since December, the time has come for me to finish it. Final draft coming soon.



I must ask you for my forgiveness.
It was once said that one must confess his sins one to another
But first, I must confess them to you.
And that is why I am here, In this very spot…
I have sinned.
I’m coming to you, confessing,
this guilt is so heavy, I can no longer walk with it weight on my spirit.
I’m hoping that you will wipe away my transgressions
Cleanse me.
I forgot how I was supposed to walk
So upon entering a crowd with shorts to short or my voice just a little to damn loud you had to shake your head.

See at the time I did not know,
Because I was a child
With wool so thick over these green eyes
Blocking out the entire picture leaving me
With what was planted before me.
My physical eyes could not see and that eye up there yes, it had not been fed enough to perceive
The gift my ancestors graciously gave.


So you see,
I have sinned
Temporarily forgot that royalty is what flowed within
My being
My spirit
My blood
Blood that was shed on African
European
And American soil.

Uprooted

Barred with a name nowhere, near, as superior as their own
While suitors looked on
Placing bets
To purchase a life Considered… inhumane
When all along those predators predecessors knew the rules
That they in fact were the game

Defacing black gold and ivory effigies
Destroying buildings
Putting flame to our knowledge
The smoldering smoke covering In hopes that what we know would forever be forgotten
Cut out our tongue and added their own
Forming words foreign to our spirit weakening our connection
So that when God called we did not understand our name.

So please,
forgive me...
I remember the pain,
In the middle of my chest.

for every time I disrespected my mother
Not caring of our story that she carried with her.
Back to the oldest soul that lived and allowed me to be.
Falling short
In your eyes, once, again.

See my mama worked like they put you to work
Black and brown skin pouring out blood, sweat, and tears.
While They sat in the houses looking on
Controlling the string connected to your mind
rippling throughout your body and being
Secretly fearing that one day you would remember who you were and
When you were incited their fear rose
So high that you had to fall, or rather be pushed so low

Trampled were you spirits in the ground
When that knotted ole rope broke
Yet another one of ya fathers, brother, or uncles neck.
"Blood on the leaves blood on the roots
Southern trees bear strange fruit"

Like that of your ya aunties, sister, and mothers
With white skin and blue eyes

Some of the realest lyrics ever wrote
I hope you can understand these words that I wrote or am speaking because I now know that I have sinned.

And I tried to confess to him but
Learned that he belonged to them
Stolen from our ancestors legacy
Subtracted the prince of Asaur and Aset
Divided his degress of melanin
His true manifestation
Multiplied his power by adding him to the trinity
Then multiplied and magnified him to his imaginary throne.
Gave him back to you
Wrapped tight in the beautiful white bow
Assuring you that he is the prince of truth and light
Who gave his last breath so that your sins would not prevent you from seeing the blessed after life

Promise land flowing with milk and honey lined with streets of gold
As long as in this life, you obeyed and worked until your back was bent and each time your heart beat, death blew it’s breath on your ear reminding you of that land.

While they drank and ate of your hands insatiably
You being the source of their promise in this land

So forgive me my ancestors, for I have sinned
At times I get caught up in this life
With the the sirens singing songs of other women’s men
And that tube poisoning my mind with sex, drugs, and gin
See I was too distracted and failed to remember the waters raging against the rugged road you traveled so that my journey could begin.

But now
my eyes are open
NEVER
to be closed again not in the spiritual sense or physical because my seed will still continue fighting and remembering

I have turned away from my evil
And now on my knees I beg
Please for give me
In repentance
let it be so and so it is; also known as amen.

© Saturday, December 19, 2009 Enigma